Its almost been a month since school starts. I never see him in school compound. Should I count myself lucky? Whenever I'm in school, I never fail to search for his sight. During breaks, walking to class or waiting for bus. Even when my friends talked to me, my eyes tend to search for him. There are times when I will think what will be his reply if we were just casually texting each other like how it used to. I can still visualise how he will tease me but making me laugh at the same time. Till now, I never see myself laughing like that again. Laughing till my stomach hurts even is just through texts. I forget how it feel like laughing until you are going to cry. Now, I just cry.
 Call me stupid but yea I do still have the urge to text him. Every night, I will think of him and I will find myself trying to sleep. I don't know what is he thinking when we were crossing the line but I know it's not right. Perhaps is just a relationship tease but to me is not. I will find pieces and memories of him everywhere I go. And I need to breathe in and stop thinking.
I used to like one song and I remember how I disturb him with this song. And apparently he helped me to download this song. But, I do not have the courage to listen to it anymore, not anymore. I am scared what if I break down again and I need to find myself emotionally stable. No one can help, only me myself can help. I have lost my courage and laughter.

You still make me laugh even though you make me cry.