Yes, I'm officially 22.

21-22 yr has been a happening one. When I learn lots of life lessons and my most beloved uncle passed away.
I'm so glad to have all my love ones to support me and always be there for me when I'm breaking into pieces.  Thank you to the guy that teach me how heartbreak felt like and how to trying your very best to let go. You have been a great friend and thank you for bringing ao much laughter and care for me.
My uncle passed away has been a huge blow for me
 He is my most and always the best and beloved uncle. Also, he is the closest to me. He trwat me like his own grandchildren and feed us with lots of good food and shower us with love and care. Kau fu, thank you for appearing in my life and bring so much joy to the family and tc wherever you are.
My parents never failed to give the best to me and also at the same time making sure im nt becoming materialistic or going astray. What I have today is what you guys gave me. Thank you!
my bffs, earlier half of the yr, shyt happens and sry for disturbing u guys late at night and ask who wanna chat. Its been a hard one for me and thx for making me stand up again and realise how to let it go.

At last, Happy Birthday to myself and I'm officially 22.

First day of work today. The day I decided to go back to the workplace to work, the workplace where we met. I dk if is a correct decision. Instagram recently has make me teared due to some issues. Just this small thing is enough to trigger me, putting me in a devastating state.

No one really ask me about him ; though there's one or two. Going back home or going out to buy lunch was weird. 

Same road, same staircase, same hallway; but he is not there anymore.

Finally main tests are over and back to project assignments. Last week, was a torture as I have difficulties doing my revision. Why? As usual for the same damm thing.and tonight yea, for the same damm thing. Tears. Didn't expect to come tonight. Heartbreaks. Didn't expect it to come at all.
Can anybody tell me how I get over him, forget him, focus on my life?! Why I had allow myself to such a stage? A stage when u miss that person miserably and you don't even know if he even give a damm. My heart is tearing bit by bit every time I think if him, when I'm trying to heal. And yet, I myself wanna talk to him so much.

Didn't expect it to leave such a deep impression inside my heart.

Didn't went for mon morning lesson as I overslept. The night before was really miserable for me. I couldn't sleep despite trying very hard. I kept on thinking about him and teared but I controlled.  

 Went to school for afternoon lesson and guess what. Yea, I saw him.  This time was at the canteen. I didn't realise he was there only when he said hello to me. My mimd was blank when I noticed his existence. And I just look at him blankly and wave back and walked away. This time was really eye-contact. I wasn't ready for this and I kind of break down. The feeling is sucky when you and another person were so close and now you don't even dare to say a proper hello. And damm it, I do still want him.

It's the month of March and my 120 days coming to an end. But I don't see myself getting any better. I still miss him. I know I do want him; going back to those days. I read back our convo again, I laughed and cry at the same time. What a joke, right?! he came into my dreams again. I miss him so much and I don't know what to do and find myself thinking about him . Does he know how much I miss him and how much I want to talk to him? Doubt so. If give me one more chance to go back, I will ask him on that night what are we now and who I am to him. I wish he could answer all my qns but eventually no.

A.S
I don't know if you will b reading this but I really want to know what came across your mind when you saw me or someone mention my name. And did you even have a split second wanna text me or to you, I'm just a passer-by?

Yesterday, I only have less than five hours of sleep before heading to morning class. Not because I don't want to sleep but is I can't. I didn't know seeing him can affected so greatly. I even have the urge to text him telling him didn't expect to see you in school, when all these is just an excuse for me to talk to him. I have this thinking that what if I drunk will he still care for me? But no, I won't do it for his attention Or concern At least, I don't behave like some girls out there who create so many unnecessary scene and act as if they are the innocent one.
I know I need to fk care and let go and carry on. But it is hard. So hard that is like trying to pick up a new skill or getting used to something.
Just give me the peace I need.

A.S
What are you thinking when you saw me on that day?

When now I'm abit calm, things started to stir up.

First day of school after cny break and I saw him in school. Yes, is him. My heart was beating fast and goosebump creeps in. The first time I saw him (not sure if he saw me), he was heading to the washroom and after that walked past to where I was sitting and return back to his class. The second time I saw him was during his break, after going for his toilet break and off to somewhere else, he said hello to me. That 'hello' wasn't awkward but I slightly turn and awkwardly wave. I didn't expect him to say hello to me, acknowledge my existence. The way he say as usual how he tease me, and pretend nothing happen. 

I don't know how he did it but he somehow just act like nothing happen. After that, I have flashbacks during proj meetings and can't seem to focus. When I was alone, I keep recalling what exactly happen. I hate it when I am trying my very best to sort things out and it messed up again. 

Many unnecessary thoughts keep evading and I just feel so fk up. 

How can he just pretend nothing happen? How can he just forget everything and carry on?

So many "how can he" questions I have been asking myself. Does he even know how much my heart breaks into because of him?

And yes, tears again. I so tired and just want to focus on my studies. 

Just no more relationship tease please.